just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
