mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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