Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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