Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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