Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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