Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
