I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
