i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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