I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
