youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
