Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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