A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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