4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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