Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
So apparently I’m into choking now
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
