the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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