the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
i think im in europe. pls send help
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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