My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Randomize
