I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
