Actions speak louder than pants.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
