I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
