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a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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