So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
