It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize