Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
