My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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