May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
