Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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