sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
we should paint friendship bongs
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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