so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
