it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
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