every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize