there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
