whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
