I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize