HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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