Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
