billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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