He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
