Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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