You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
