I feel like abortions should bother me more
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
