so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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