Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
