The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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