Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
