You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Just cropdusted the office
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize