she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
