you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
