Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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