So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
