My friends, they love my intelligence
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
