my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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