Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
