I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
