Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
