I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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