dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
