I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
