Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Sorry about my life...
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
