brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
