Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I didn't notice because vodka
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
