Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
im holly from the hills drunk
well most of my day revolves around power hour
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
