Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
