Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
