He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Panties = found
Randomize
